Sometimes people find compassion practice the easiest entry to practicing mettā more generally. As Thanissaro Bhikkhu said, compassion is an extension of mettā that we feel when we encounter suffering. When we are confronted with suffering, especially in person, compassion (karunā) is a natural response, and if we give it space, it will grow. This can be experienced in every day life, but also if we seek out situations to support those in need: incarcerated people, support groups for people with mental challenges, people in aged care or hospice, even animal rescue and rehabilitation. All of these can inspire us to set aside our own petty concerns and listen patiently to others, with an open heart, whether they are talking or not.
The sense of presence that we can develop with mettā or karunā comes from devoting ourselves to observing and listening to others in a complete way, that is, without the running commentary in our minds. Any judging we might do is picked up immediately by those we are with. The “near enemy” of compassion is pity, and that’s because pity is in fact about ourselves. We think, “Good grief, I’m so glad my life’s not as miserable as that person’s”, or “I wonder how I would respond to these challenges?”. We focus on our own feelings and opinions as a matter of course, so suspending them for a time is quite a different experience. It may happen spontaneously, but only mindfulness can help us develop these freeing mind states.
Everyone knows when they’re being listened to and when they’re not. Most of us feel overlooked and dismissed by those around us; it’s rare to discover that someone is interested in us and cares about us enough to put their own concerns aside, even for a short while. But that’s what both mettā and karunā require. We can’t fake it; we can be kind, but developing boundless kindness or compassion is a liberating practice. We’ll know it when we experience it; it has the flavor of freedom from our own clinging.
Some would say that all of us suffer, each in our own way, so we are all deserving of compassion. Imagine how our world would be if we looked at everyone with the “eyes of love and acceptance”, with unbounded compassion.